Metro Returns to Schedule
Imposes "Sandy Tax" to Cover Loss from Two Idle Days

(Washington, DC) — Shut down by Hurricane Sandy for two days, Metro finally got back on track today, ferrying and gouging customers in the DC metro area. The catch: even higher fares in the form of a "Sandy Tax" to compensate for lost revenue.

"We lost lots of money," said a Metro spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "We have to make it up somewhere. I mean, it's not like Congress is going to help replenish our coffers. So it falls to the customers."

Metro recently hoisted a massive fare increase upon its customers and seems to relish doing it again so soon.

"We feel that doubling all charges for about a month should do it," said a Metro official, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Or two months. Or three months. Oh, wait, I know. We'll just keep prices inflated until we feel like bringing them down!"