Aggressive Electioneering Reported
Voter Beats One Electioneer Senseless

(Gaithersburg, MD) — Electioneering took an ugly turn in suburban Maryland late on election night as an attempt to pass out literature caused the electioneer to pass out – from pain.

An opponent of Maryland's Question 6 – the gay marriage initiative – tried to strong-arm a voter with literature and other paraphernalia as they headed to their polling place late Tuesday night.

The voter reportedly turned to the electioneer and asked, "Do you think I haven't yet made up my mind?" according to witnesses, speaking on condition of anonymity.

The electioneer would have none of it, apparently coming very close to physically assaulting the voter and screaming about how passing the initiative would destroy society.

The voter had had enough. They grabbed the literature out of the electioneer's hand and punched them in the face. Once on the ground, the voter continued pummeling the electioneer, screaming at them and trying to ram literature down their throat – literally, according to eyewitness reports.

By the time the police arrived, the voter had left the scene (but not before voting) and the electioneer lay motionless on the elementary school parking lot, moaning softly and spitting up their laminated literature.

The unnamed, unidentified voter is being hailed as a hero by some who feel that electioneering, like the rest of politics, has just gone too far.

"I'm gonna kick the crap out them [the electioneers] in 2014!" exclaimed an eyewitness, speaking on condition of anonymity.