Can't We All Just Get Along?
Use of "Civil" Words Must be Sincere

(Rockville, MD) — Pushing the themes of "Better Communication" and "Civility," NRC's Information and Records Services Division (IRSD) now suggests the use of various words to help improve workplace communication and atmosphere. The catch: you have to mean it if you say it.

The following words are a few of the suggestions from upper management:

• "Thank you!"
• "Good job!"
• "Please!"
• "You're welcome!"
• "Excuse me!"
• "I'm sorry!"

The following phrases are also suggestions from upper management:

• "Your nostrils are big because your fingers are big."
• "THAT'S what you wore to work today???!!!"
• "Yes, it really is all your fault. No sense in lying about it."

"We hope that IRSD staff will choose to use these words and phrases, and mean them, in order to foster collegiality," said an IRSD spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity.

IRSD is also instituting the "Distance Rule" which explains how to act when one is a certain distance from a colleague:

"We hope that the handy chart will foster conversation, closeness, and civility amongst IRSD staff," said the IRSD spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "And everyone will be given an IRSD tape measure so they know when it's appropriate to act. We believe that IRSD staff can and will measure up to the increase in civility."

"Of course, this only applies to IRSD staff," continued the IRSD spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "There's no need to be civil to anyone else at the agency. Feel free to grunt or yell at them. They're used to it."