Vending Machines Removed without Prior Knowledge or Survey
Management Says "Go Starve" to Hungry Employees

(Rockville, MD) — Providing no prior knowlege or hints of the upcoming changes, the agency today announced the removal of multiple snack and beverage vending machines from the following floors at its headquarters complex:

The announcement also stipulated that no vending machines would ever be placed in the soon-to-be-opened Three White Flint building (aka "Isengard").

While "lack of use" was cited as the official reason for the machines' removal, an NRC official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the reason was rather "because we can!" and hoped that some employees would "go starve" from the lack of available refreshments.

Another NRC official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that the real reason was that NRC employees are "messy" and "pigs" and housekeeping was just tired of cleaning up after such slobs.

NRC employees are now forced to traverse Rockville Pike (Route 355) for snacks. The intersection of 355 and Marinelli is so dangerous that some employees are wondering if the whole reason behind the machines' removal isn't simply to reduce agency headcount.