Kaine Defeats Macacavitz
Battle between Former Governors Goes to the Democrat

(Richmond, VA) — A political contest between two former governors, which cost about $80 million, went to the same party that carried its vote for President Obama.

Former governor Tim Kaine (D-VA) beat his Republican challenger and will replace his Democratic counterpart, Jim Webb, who is retiring from elected office.

Former senator (and governor) George Allen Macacavitz (R-VA), trying to reclaim his old Senate seat, was unable to put to rest the events of his 2006 campaign. In 2006, running for re-election, he referred to one of his opponent's campaign staff as "macaca" – on video. The video subsequently went viral, and Allen never fully recovered from his "Macaca Moment," losing the election to outgoing Senator Jim Webb (D-VA) Six years on, the Virginia electorate has not forgotten.

"Governor Allen would like to personally thank all the [explicative], the [explicative], the [explicative], the [explicative], the [explicative], and the [explicative] for blacklisting him from elected office!" said a Macacavitz spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity.

During the 2006 campaign, Allen discovered Jewish roots in his family and changed his name accordingly.