Agency Says "Ciao" to Commish
NRC Gang of Four Successfully Send Jaczko Packing

(Rockville, MD) — Gregory B. Jaczko, the chairman of the Nuclear Regulatory Commission (NRC), serves his last day today, 11 months before his term officially expires in June 2013, thus ending an acrimonious and belligerent three-year tenure at the agency's highest post.

Faced with an onslaught of criticism from many corners, ranging from both houses of Congress to the other four NRC commissioners – now dubbed the "NRC Gang of Four" – Jaczko abruptly resigned on May 21, nearly three years to the day he assumed the chairmanship of the agency.

His tenure was marked by a number of controversial incidents, falling out of favor with his fellow commissioners and politicians, most notably his biggest supporter, Senate Majority Leader Harry "NIMBY" (Not In My BackYard) Reid. His killing of the proposed Yucca Mountain High-Level Waste repository, coupled with revelations of a management style guided by yelling and berating, sealed his fate.

"Dr. Jaczko feels he did a great job while he was here," said a Jaczko spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. He wouldn't change a thing. The decisions, the harassment, the yelling, the berating, they were all for the greater good of the agency.

When asked if he had any final or parting thoughts on his last day, the spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity, replied, "Yes, Dr. Jaczko hopes that his fellow commissioners choke on their own bile."

As for future plans, Dr. Jaczko intends upon returning to his spaceship, the Fesarius, in order to keep Lieutenant David Bailey company and drink unspecified quantities of tranya.

The "NRC Gang of Four"
Commissioner Apostolakis	Commissioner Magwood	Commissioner Ostendorff	Commissioner Svinicki