Clippings from the Shrub
"I'll give some speeches, just to replenish the ol' coffers." — September 2, 2007

My fellow Azerbaijanians,

It's me again. Still workin' on that coffer replenishin'.

I saw where President Obama cancelled the Constellation program at NASA. That's part of my vision for goin' into space. See, Mars and the moon are planets in space, and that's where I was fixin' to go. And he says it's too expensive to continue the program. But I have a solution. In other words, a solution is what I have. I saw a show the other day where they rebuilt and launched the Japanese battleship Yamato into space. That might be cheaper than doin' the Constellation program. Just so long as they don't fly over Pearl Harbor. Ha-ha.

Speakin' of Pearl Harbor, I see where the Chinese are pullin' rank on us. First they don't like us sellin' stuff to the Taiwanians. Well, the Taiwanians sell stuff to us, so it only seems fair. Then there's this business about Dalí and a llama. Someone recently asked me, "... now where's Dalí? ..." and I told him that, like Mandela, Dalí is dead, because Saddam Hussein killed all the Dalís. Just not with weapons of mass destruction. Ha-ha.

Speakin' of mass destruction, I hate what happened to Haiti. And what happened in Chile gives me chills. Get it? Hate? Haiti? Chills? Chile? Thought it up myself while havin' a few dozen beers with Poppy and Jeb. Poppy told me to shut the hell up. I told him I'd have the Secret Service rig his parachutes on his next jump. Just kiddin', Poppy. Ha-ha.