Massachusetts Solves Energy Crisis
Senator Kennedy Continues to Give of Himself

(Boston, MA) — Edward M. "Ted" Kennedy may have been dead for over a year, but his presence continues to be felt by all Massachusetts residents, especially when they flip a light switch, watch a television show, microwave a dinner, or do any of the other hundreds of daily mundane things that require electricity.

Kennedy was buried with honors at Arlington National Cemetery following his death on August 29, 2009. Since that time, Kennedy's Senate seat has gone to Republican Scott Brown. And his lifelong legislative cause, health care reform, went through pitched, bruising and partisan battles before being signed into law, and may have been the largest contributing factor to significant Democratic losses in the November 2, 2010 election.

Before the funeral, Kennedy was fitted with a dynamo. This electrical system was wired directly to the Massachusetts electrical grid. As the bitter political climate in Washington turned poisonous, Kennedy began spinning in his grave, delivering electrical power to his home state. When Brown won Kennedy's Senate seat, Boston began receiving a surplus of power. Given the heated exchange over health care reform and the results of November's election, power utilities in Massachusetts have power for the entire state, plus power to spare. The state's coal-fired power plants have been silent since the middle of 2010, and there are now plans to decommission its only active nuclear power plant, the Pilgrim Nuclear Power Station, in 2011.

"Our state is awash in megawatts," said a Department of Energy Resources spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "We've even given some away to Rhode Island, and there's talk of covering the needs of Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine, too. From Pittsfield to Boston, we're good. We just hope that bipartisanship never makes a return to Washington!"