Qaddafi Chooses the Psycho Path

(Tripoli, Libya) — As anti-despotic protests spread across the Middle East, the mostly peaceful and murder-free events turned deadly with a brutal crackdown in Libya by its leader, Muammar Qaddafi.

In power for over 40 years, Qaddafi has vowed to stay on as leader of Libya, promising to track down and kill protesters – "cockroaches" in Qaddafi's terms – " house by house" just days after unleashing tanks and fighter jets on his citizens.

Declaring that "Muammar Qaddafi is history, resistance, liberty, glory, revolution," he vowed to "fight on to the last drop of my blood."

While the protesters are demanding political and leadership change in their country, Qaddafi's latest ramblings provided an insight into his own grievances.

"Colonel Qaddafi is tired of being compared physically to Howard Stern," said a Qaddafi spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Your radio 'personality' is a filthy, disgusting, vile example of a human being, and comparing the Colonel to such a creature is offensive and will no longer be tolerated."

Perhaps an even bigger grievance is the spelling of Qaddafi's name. In the news media, both online and in print, there seems to be no agreed-upon spelling. The New York Times spells his name as "Muammar el-Qaddafi;" the Washington Post uses "Moammar Gaddafi;" Yahoo! News publishes "Moammar Gadhafi;" and the Library of Congress' controlled vocabulary spells his name as "Muammar Qaddafi." Many other news outlets and pro-democracy groups have started simply calling him "Psycho" which also doesn't seem to sit well with the Libyan leader.

"Colonel Qaddafi is offended about all these spelling derivations regarding his name," said a Qaddafi spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "He demands a swift resolution to this problem and wishes to be known from this time forward as 'Barry.' He hopes that this decision settles the issue so he can get on with more important issues, such as using F-16s on women and children."