Russian Superjet Crashes into Volcano
Republicans Blame Obama

(Jakarta, Indonesia) — On May 9, Russia's newest model of passenger jet – its first since the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991 – crashed into an Indonesian volcano during a test flight meant to show off the airplane to potential buyers.

The twin-engine Sukhoi Superjet-100, capable of seating up to 98 people, rammed the volcano at 480mph, presumably killing all 45 passengers and crew on board, raining debris down the mountainside.

It will take time to determine if the crash, just 21 minutes after takeoff, was due to mechanical issues or pilot error. In the United States, however, Republicans were quick to assess blame for the crash and the fatalities.

"President Obama is squarely to blame for this tragedy," said a spokesman for House Speaker John "Oh ... My ... God" Boehner, speaking on condition of anonymity. "His recent support for same-sex marriage is clearly what caused this disaster, and the option of impeachment is definitely on the table. We're not saying that if a Republican were in the White House this wouldn't have happened. It just wouldn't have been their fault."