Saying "Buh-Bye" to the Executive Washroom Key
Lock on PDR Restroom Door Replaced with Keyless Entry

(Rockville, MD) — A turn of the screwdriver was all it took to replace the antiquated lock and handle on the restroom located in the Public Document Room (PDR). And its replacement is causing some to tumble more than the inner mechanism of that lock.

Since the use of a key — the type of which was as common as a key to anyone's front door at home — was confusing to at least one person, a set of instructions found its way taped to the bathroom door. Bookmarks — featuring a Royal Flush — were even created to make sure that one's trip to the commode went as smoothly and successfully as possible.

The hard-to-open door, due to its weight and misalignment, always required a key to enter. Due to numerous lawsuits under the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, the lock was finally changed and the door's hinges oiled on September 2^nd, making the use of the restroom less stressful for all.

Unfortunately for some, the restroom is deemed as a "personal" restroom for at least one person, and the lock's replacement has sent shockwaves through the PDR and the rest of those who regularly visit Mordor, also known as One White Flint North (OWFN).

"How will they micromanage those who wish to use the facilities?" said a spokesman for the one person, speaking on condition of anonymity. "They've already banned visitors from seeing the PDR's fourth microfiche/microfilm reader/printer. They've already banned the use of the PDR's typewriter. The Lord of the Key Ring was a status of power, and now it's gone."

"It's a shame about the bookmarks," said a regular PDR visitor, speaking on condition of anonymity. "They certainly provided clear, concise instructions on how to use a bathroom. In my opinion, the bookmarks were the best reason for visiting the PDR in the first place."