Osama bin Laden: Environmentalist
Takes Up Cause of Global Warming

(Tora Bora, Afghanistan) — The latest audio tape from Osama bin Laden, everyone's favorite jihadist and mass-murderer, now blames global warming on the United States and its industrialized allies.

"Speaking about climate change is not a matter of intellectual luxury - the phenomenon is an actual fact," said bin Laden in his January 29, 2010 message. "All of the industrialized countries bear responsibility for the global warming crisis."

"The Zionists and the Americans and their allies have conspired to allow this global warming to fester," said a bin Laden spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "We must declare jihad on the global warming and those that make it possible," he continued.

But bin Laden took shots at other environmentally-friendly efforts. "The blue bins used for recycling in America are an offensive color of blue," said an Al Queda spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "We demand that the blue bins be changed immediately to purple. And they must have rainbows, puppies and unicorns painted on them. God willing, that will turn the tide of our struggle."