Ahmadinejad Calls for Restoration of Citrix-based ADAMS
Threatens Jihad Unless Interface Returns

(Tehran, Iran) -- Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has called upon the Nuclear Regulatory Commission (NRC) to restore the Citrix-based version of ADAMS, NRC's Agencywide Documents Access and Management System.

ADAMS has been around since 1999, providing high-quality and easy-to-use interfaces through the Web and Citrix to a public eager to read about NRC's activities. Due to a variety of concerns and issues, the agency decided to pull the plug on the Citrix-based version, replacing it on February 1, 2010 with yet another high-quality and easy-to-use interface called ADAMS PUBLIC. However, this new version does not seem to sit well with Iran's affable, Holocaust-denying president.

"Access to Citrix-based ADAMS is the inalienable right of every Iranian ... except those who are being influenced by the Zionists and Americans," said Ahmedinijad through a spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "The Iranian nation, with its unity and God's grace, will force Citrix-based ADAMS to be used again, God-willing."

However, a message on a pro-Iranian Islamic Web site recently spoke of a "Citrix-based ADAMS jihad" if Ahmadinejad's demands were not met. "The crusading ADAMS searchers will face serious consequences and will rue the day that they chose to defy Iran!" was one of a number of ADAMS-related comments to the Web site's posting.