Investigation of Shoe-Throwing Incident Widened
Word of Possible Cover-up Shakes Washington

(Washington, DC) — As investigators continue to probe the actions of Muntadhar al-Zaidi, the man who threw his shoes at President Bush in Iraq on December 14, 2008, they find a story not as simple as originally believed. And they also find their trails being blocked or thwarted in many cases, leading some to suspect a US government conspiracy.

"Hushpuppygate is bigger than Mr. al-Zaidi," said an FBI official, speaking on condition of anonymity. "We need to take concrete steps right now. The whole thing could mean a bigger threat than Saddam Hussein's WMD program back in 2003."

Richard Reid, convicted of trying to ignite explosives in his shoes on a plane in December 2001, has reportedly admitted to coaching Mr. al-Zaidi. "He's not a martyr, he's not a symbol of resistance," said Reid, speaking on condition of anonymity. "He's an idiot. I told him to light his shoes before throwing them, not wear light shoes. Idiot!"

Fearing a broader terrorist plot involving footwear, the FBI has taken several individuals into custody without probable cause, citing the USA Patriot Act as permission enough. Buster Brown and Thomas McAnn are purportedly at Guantánomo Bay. The FBI is still on the lookout for Florsheim and Bruno Magli, though officials are receiving cooperation from OJ Simpson on the latter.