H1N1 Fears Wean NRC Security from BTS

(Rockville, MD) — As the H1N1 pandemic spread across the world, it did have a positive effect on a small demographic. The security guards at the Nuclear Regulatory Commission (NRC), long suffering from Badge-Touching Syndrome (BTS), were forced to wean themselves off their compulsion.

"We think it has been beneficial for them," said an NRC official, speaking on condition of anonymity. "They no longer have to touch everyone's badge when they enter the building. Unfortunately, they continue to engage in mindless banter and bullying tactics towards visitors and employees who don't show their badges fast enough. We're hoping that the upcoming H5N1 pandemic might cure them of that."