Metro Implements NTSB Recommendations Regarding Safety
Nearly Two Dozen Recommendations Still Unfulfilled

(Washington, DC) — Metro officials announced yesterday that they had implemented two safety recommendations from the National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB), bringing them closer to preventing another episode of mass-murder similar to June 22, 2009, when Metro killed nine people in a train collision near the Fort Totten station.

A senior Metro official called the implementation of the two recommendations "a big step forward."

More than three years later, they have only 22 safety recommendations to go.

"Gouge customers … check," said a Metro spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Continue running outdated, unsafe trains … check. Gouge customers some more … check. Force customers to experience massive delays for what we call 'track work' but is really nothing more than putting extra money into our CEO's pockets … check. Gouge customers even more … check. We really take care of what's important!"