Ahmadinejad to NRC: Don't Kill ADAMS PUBLIC
Threatens Jihad if Plug is Pulled

(Tehran, Iran) -- Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has called upon the Nuclear Regulatory Commission (NRC) to change its mind regarding the decommissioning of the ADAMS PUBLIC version of ADAMS, NRC's Agencywide Documents Access and Management System.

ADAMS has been around since 1999, providing high-quality and easy-to-use interfaces through the Web and Citrix to a public eager to read about NRC's activities. With the introduction of Web-based ADAMS in October 2010, the agency deemed ADAMS PUBLIC/Legacy Interface Combined (ADAMS PUBLIC), introduced in February 2010, as an unnecessary duplication of efforts. It is slated for termination on April 1, 2011.

While most would agree that WBA is by far the most superior interface for ADAMS to-date, some would disagree, including Iran's affable, Holocaust-denying president.

"Access to ADAMS PUBLIC is the inalienable right of every Iranian ... except those who are being influenced by the Zionists and Americans," said Ahmedinijad through a spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "The Iranian nation, with its unity and God's grace, will force ADAMS PUBLIC to be maintained by the nuclear agency of The Great Satan, God-willing."

A message on a pro-Iranian Islamic Web site recently spoke of an "ADAMS PUBLIC jihad" if Ahmadinejad's demands were not met. "The crusading ADAMS searchers will face serious consequences and will rue the day that they chose to defy Iran!" stated an anonymous comment posted to the Web site.