Construction Coming to Mount Doom Exhibit Area
EWRA Duties Transferred to PDR

(Rockville, MD) — April 2012 will bring construction to the exhibit area of Mount Doom (aka Two White Flint North), causing disruptions for Nuclear Regulatory Commission (NRC) staff as orcs remake the area to appease Sauron.

Improvements will include a new ceiling and lighting system. A barrier will be erected, but it is expected to be as protective as the Mural Wall from construction in the lobby of Mordor (aka One White Flint North) which ended in August 2011. The Mural Wall, which once collapsed during a violent thunderstorm, will be remembered for featuring several depictions of happy staff from Al Qaeda in White Flint (AQWF) assisting employees and visitors in the future. One of the AQWF members, accused of physically assaulting an NRC employee multiple times since 2009, was featured as a "model" security guard on the wall.

The orcs have promised to taste man-flesh only between the construction hours of 6:00pm and 4:00am. The project is expected to last until August 2012, or until the source of man-flesh at NRC headquarters has been exhausted.

During the construction period, the Employees Welfare and Recreation Association (EWRA) store will be temporarily relocated to the Public Document Room (PDR). The PDR recently lost its restroom in favor of building a Lactation Station for expectant mothers.

"We just think that they aren't really all that busy," said an NRC spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "So what's a half-hour out of their day to staff the EWRA? And time to stock the EWRA. And to reconcile the books. OK, so maybe it is a lot of work. But who cares? We just felt like giving this one to them for no reason at all."

PDR staff recently took over duties for the Public Meeting Notice System, also for no apparent reason.