Name of Common Linguistic Malady Expanded
Disease Reclassification May Not Sit "Well" with Some

(Washington, DC) — As the dust from the bruising health care reform battle settles, the American Medical Association (AMA) has decided to go for some reform of its own. The AMA today passed a unanimous proclamation regarding one of America's most vexing linguistic diseases.

Jim Handly disease, first diagnosed in 1995, refers to the use of word "well" to start off sentences. Named for a newscaster at NBC's Washington affiliate, WRC, a colleague of Handly's has been afflicted to the point where the AMA apparently felt it was time to give him his due. Joe Krebs' name will now join Handly's when describing Handly-Krebs disease. Handly has been at WRC since 1992; Krebs since 1980.

"It's about time," said a spokesman for the Department of Education's grammarian, speaking on condition of anonymity. "This is a linguistic bastardization of proper grammar. It ranks right up there with the use of 'like' as a comma and the overuse of the phrases 'you know' and 'I mean' within sentences. But this one stands out because it's at the beginning of sentences."

In the past, similar AMA proclamations have meant that controlled vocabularies, such as the National Library of Medicine's Medical Subject Headings (MeSH), the Library of Congress Subject Headings (LCSH) and the Sick Bird Publishing Company's FLATLINE Subject Headings (FLESH), will be amended. This time, however, there may be a catch, as the Tea Party activists, still rabid from the defeat of the recent health care reform bill, are now turning their attention to the renaming of this disease.

"Renaming 'Jim Handly disease' as 'Handly-Krebs disease' represents tyranny from the AMA Board of Directors, and everyone knows they're in the pocket of the current Democratic majority!" exclaimed a Tea Partyist, speaking on condition of anonymity. "It means the Federal government is trying to take over naming all diseases. What's to stop them from renaming 'Lou Gehrig's disease' for some other baseball player? This has to stop, and it has to stop NOW!"

"It's the beginning of socialized medicine!" screamed another Tea Partyist, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Next they'll be naming diseases for Lenin and Stalin. Oh, the humanity!"

AMA board members have been heckled in recent days, some based upon their race or religion. One was spat upon when heading for the vote on the proclamation. Undaunted, he reportedly wiped the spittle from his sleeve, cast his vote, left the building and headed home for a long, hot, sanitizing bath.