Tea Party Weighs In On Metro Fare Increases
Suggest Higher Increase to Offset Subsidies

(Washington, DC) — The Tea Party movement has called upon Washington's Metro to raise its fares well beyond the amounts it is proposing to help close its $189 million budget gap. The increases, combined with service cuts and other cost-saving measures, would take effect June 27, 2010.

"Paying for Metro is a tax," said a Tea Party spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "But it's a tax on people who never even use the system, since the subsidies provided by Maryland, Virginia and the District of Columbia come from local tax revenues.

"What we need are less subsidies. So if Metro increases their fares, parking and other fees for passengers, the good people of Washington will be freed from the shackles of the rail yard."

Protests by Tea Partyists against the "paltry" proposed fare increases will continue for the foreseeable future. Tea Party representatives are expected to greet Metro passengers at train stations and bus shelters with jeers, racial slurs, and plenty of heckling and spitting. Commuters are advised to turn up their iPods and wear disposable ponchos.