Goodnight, Irene:
Hurricane Devastates East Coast

(Washington, DC) — The East Coast continued to deal with the first hurricane to make landfall in the United States in years. While some areas of the East Coast were able to begin to dry out and clean up, having power restored more and more day by day, other areas continued to deal with an ongoing disaster. Rivers have yet to crest in some areas, and communities in New York and Vermont remained cut off from civilization by record floods, destroyed bridges and washed-out roads.

The Federal government's Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) has less than $800 million in its disaster coffers, causing it to halt rebuilding projects from earlier disasters to help victims of Hurricane Irene.

FEMA is still reeling six years after a botched operation from Hurricane Katrina's hits on Florida, Louisiana and Mississippi. President George W. Bush told then-administrator Mike "Brownie" Brown that he was doing a "heck of a job" while hundreds of thousands suffered in the hurricane's aftermath.

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA), whose state was hit by Irene and a 5.9 magnitude earthquake just days before, and his Tea Partyist backers are demanding spending cuts before FEMA is given any additional funds.

"In light of the recent East Coast disasters, we're happy to provide funds to FEMA," said a Cantor spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "But any additional FEMA funding must include at least $1 billion in spending cuts, preferably in FEMA, Social Security and Medicare. It must also include plans to eliminate the Department of Education and the Environmental Protection Agency. And it must include plans for extending the Bush tax cuts until the year 2386. Finally, Mike Brown must be brought back as the head of FEMA."

The House of Representatives has, in fact, already passed a FEMA funding bill, but it includes cuts to programs that are supported by President Obama.

"If the Kenyan in the White House supports the program, we're going to oppose and defund it," said a Republican congressman, speaking on condition of anonymity.