Yom Kippur Congregants Shocked By Special Guest in Attendance
Michele Bachmann Forces Worshippers to Atone for Being in Her Presence

(Lakeview, IL) — Some worshippers at the Conservative Jewish temple Anshe Emet Synagogue in Lakeview, IL, were forced to leave the sanctuary and services on the eve of Yom Kippur when their rabbi announced that Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN) was in attendance.

The incident, which took place on September 25, on the eve of the Jewish Day of Atonement, led some congregation members to urge Bachmann's defeat in the upcoming elections roughly four weeks from now.

Other congregants, some going to the suburban Chicago temple for decades, found themselves projectile vomiting in the streets due to the stress of having been in the presence of such a hateful, vile human being on the holiest day of the year on the Jewish calendar. Special atonement services for being near the congresswoman were being set up for affected worshippers.

Synagogue officials still can't figure out what Bachmann, the evangelical Christian and former presidential candidate, was even doing at the temple. The night's service had included a piece honoring Israel for its openness to the LGBT community, yet in the past Bachmann has likened homosexuality to "bondage" and "child abuse" and "sexual dysfunction."

"It's entirely possible she was there just for a meal," said a synagogue spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity, "but she was obviously disappointed when she found out that Jews fast for Yom Kippur."