Personal Foul: Unnecessary Lockout
NFL Referees Return to Work

(Canton, OH) — A tentative agreement has been reached between the National Football League (NFL) and the NFL Referees Association, allowing the NFL owners' lockout of referees to end and having them back on the field in time for tonight's game.

The lockout, which began in June, was a fight mostly over pension reform. Without the referees on the dozens of NFL fields, owners were forced to use replacement referees, some from high schools and colleges, during the entire four-week 2012 preseason and the first three weeks of the regular season. Results were mixed.

Over seven games, the replacement referees blew some calls and declined to call other obvious penalties. Anger simmered over the bad officiating; several coaches and their staffs were fined tens of thousands of dollars for berating, grabbing, and insulting the replacements.

But the ire of fans, media members, players, and coaches reached a fever pitch last Monday night, when the Green Bay Packers lost to the Seattle Seahawks on the final play of the game. The "Hail Mary" pass was ruled as a catch by Seattle wide receiver Golden Tate, and not an interception by Packers safety M.D. Jennings. While 47% believe that Tate had the catch, 53% believe that the ball was intercepted by Jennings.

After the blown call, even President Obama weighed in, saying that the regular referees should be put back to work immediately. There was no comment, however, from Republican candidate Mitt Romney (R-MA). Many attribute his silence to simply not caring about the referees. Since referees made an average of $149,000 last year, will make an average of $173,000 next year, and will earn $205,000 in 2019, they simply don't meet the threshold of Romney's ability to care, as they fall into the 47% of Americans that Romney isn't "concerned" about.

The whole situation has been laced with other ironies as well. Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay tweeted, "Your loud voices [are] heard about getting Refs back. We're desperately trying [to] get it done! We want a deal that improves officiating overall." Many view these comments as hypocritical, as they point out officiating could be improved if the regular officials would only be let back on the field.

Also, the Irsay family is responsible for moving the Baltimore Colts, in the middle of the night like weasels, to Indianapolis in 1984. Tonight's game – the first game back for the regular referees – will be played in Baltimore, by the Ravens, who were the Cleveland Browns before Art Modell performed his own weasel magic and moved the team after the 1995 season. And the Ravens' hosting of the "new" Cleveland Browns completes the symmetry of this colossal mess.

"He's just glad that the regular guys will be back," said a spokesman for Ray Lewis, Ravens linebacker, team leader, and murderer. "When he goes for someone's throat, he wants it to count."

"The long-term future of our game requires that we seek improvement in every area, including officiating," Goodell said in a written statement. "This does not include seeking any improvements in the NFL commissioner, however. And no improvements in the NFL owners, either. We feel that in that arena everyone is doing just fine."

For those worrying about the replacement referees being out of work, there's no need for concern. They have already been offered at least one reality TV deal, and there is talk of having them moderate the upcoming presidential debates.