One Year Later, Still Picking up the Pieces

(Washington, DC) — Evidence is still fresh from the devastating 5.8 magnitude earthquake that hit here one year ago at 1:51pm. It was the largest to hit the area in 67 years.

Ninety miles away from Mineral, VA, the epicenter of the earthquake, the Washington Monument remains closed, and may not reopen until 2014.

The Washington National Cathedral, which sustained $20 million in damage, is still undergoing repairs and still does not have enough money to complete the work. The Lilly Endowment, created by the family that built the Eli Lilly pharmaceutical company, today donated $5 million towards the Episcopal sanctuary's repairs, but funds are still short.

"We wonder, in trying times such as these, where the nation's premiere reverends are," said a Washington National Cathedral spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Where's Pat Robertson? Where's Jesse Jackson? Where's Al Sharpton? Where's Robert Schuller? They're all reverends. Why can't they help out with the fundraising?"

Representative Todd Akin (R-MO), in hot water for his recent comments on abortion, added fuel to the fire by pinning blame for the earthquake on pro-abortion Americans.

"Representative Akin knows why the earthquake occurred," said a legitimate Akin spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "God was punishing the country for its refusal to ban all abortions. What happened was a legitimate earthquake. And when the earthquake hit, things here just shut down. So that's a message from God we should all take seriously."

Akin is not the first Republican politician – or high-profile ally of Republicans – to insist on knowing what God is thinking when it comes to natural disasters. According to Representative Michele Bachmann (R-MN), the earthquake was an attempt by God "to get the attention of the politicians" and that "It's time for an act of God and we're getting it."

The March 2011 Japanese earthquake, tsunamis and nuclear disaster were, according to broadcaster Glenn Beck, God's way of a "message being sent" to Japan.

After the 2010 earthquake in Haiti, Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson blamed the disaster on Haiti's "pact to the devil." Robertson also said that Hurricane Katrina, which devastated New Orleans in 2005, was God's punishment for abortion.

And, while not a natural disaster, Reverend Jerry Falwell knew who to blame for the September 11, 2011, terrorist attacks: "I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'"