American Embassies Attacked, Americans Killed

(New York, NY) — Tuesday, September 11, 2012, was a clear, sunny, comfortable day in New York City, just like the same Tuesday 11 years ago when the World Trade Center was attacked and destroyed, killing almost 2800. Tuesday was a clear, sunny, comfortable day in Washington, DC, just like the same Tuesday 11 years ago when the Pentagon was attacked and hundreds were killed. And Tuesday was a clear, sunny, comfortable day near Shanksville, PA, just like the same Tuesday 11 years ago when an airplane bound for either the Capitol or the White House was taken over by its hostages, killing the hijackers as well as everyone else on board.

On this Tuesday, while the world paused to remember the horrific events of September 11, 2001, Islamic Fundamentalists decided on a better way to celebrate: incite their followers to riot.

Allegedly spurred by a low-budget anti-Muslim film made in the United States, Egyptians took to the streets of Cairo and stormed the American Embassy, breaching the outer perimeter and pulling down the American flag with the goal of burning the symbol of freedom.

Meanwhile, in Libya, the United States Consulate in Benghazi was ransacked, burned, and attacked with rocket-propelled grenades, killing four Americans, including the United States Ambassador to Libya, in the process.

And in Yemen today, protesters at the American Embassy stormed a wall, set fire to a building inside the compound, broke windows and carried away office supplies and other souvenirs, including T-shirts that said "I Visited the US Embassy in Yemen and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt."

These attacks brought back dreaded memories of November 4, 1979, when Iranian Islamic Fundamentalists took over the American Embassy in Tehran.

"The United States government, along with average, ordinary, everyday Americans, deplores what has happened, and what continues to happen," said a Federal government spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity.

American security officials tried to put the riots and attacks in some kind of context that made sense, but few could do it, since the acts made absolutely no sense.

"You can't expect those who reek of donkey excrement to be sensible," said a spokesman for an unnamed Federal government security branch, speaking on condition of anonymity. "These people don't need much to go out and riot, and we've seen that this week. Unfortunately, some Americans paid for it with their lives."

"Today they're rioting because they don't like a film," said another security expert, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Tomorrow they'll riot because we provided inadequate medical attention regarding the ingrown toenail of one of their followers. There's simply no end, and it's a wonder why we don't just return the favor."

Predictably, spokesmen for several radical Islamic Fundamentalist movements disagreed with these assessments, saying that the United States needs to show "respect" for Islam, seemingly forgetting that Islamic Fundamentalists destroyed the Twin Towers, bombed American embassies in Africa, decapitated Americans on video, and hijacked multiple airplanes (without destroying them).

"It would go a long way towards ‘respect' if they'd bathe," said a security specialist, speaking on condition of anonymity.