Metro Unveils New Railcars
400% Fare Increases to Help Pay for Upgrade

(Washington, DC) — Metro officials got the chance to show off their newest railcars, hoping to bring the system into the late 20^th century.

The 7000-series trains are meant mainly to replace the 1000-series trains, which were used to slaughter nine people in a train collision near the Fort Totten station on June 22, 2009.

Each of the 350 new trains, which should be in service by 2014, costs about $2 million.

"The cost of these trains will, of course, be passed on to the riders," said a Metro spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "We expect the rate increases to be in the neighborhood of 400% from today's bargain-basement rates. You didn't think that the Metro Board would actually take pay cuts in order to pay for these upgrades, did you?!"